A little later then usual

It's pretty late today as I read Philippians. I had been reading it in the early afternoons but today it is 11 PM. My mind tends to wander when I read to myself and so quite often, I end up reading out loud. I tend to feel rather foolish doing this but it keeps my mind on track.

It was a good day today and that means I was busy and didn't stop until now to read my Bible. I should have done this earlier but better late then not at all.

The same areas have been jumping out at me but they are closer to the end of the book then to the beginning.

Paul talks about how he feels about the people of Philippi. He loves them and longs for them. Do I ever really LONG for anyone? I mean, really long for someone? I miss my husband when he is at work and quite often I LONG for friendship, because I am lonely but is it really the same? And is it people I should really long for? I believe God puts this loneliness in my heart to draw me closer to him. In the past I have turned to Him as a last resort. How sad is that? He has always been there, no matter when I have come crying to Him that I am lonely and all I need is to start my conversations with Him again and He is there and He gives me the comfort I am looking for. Why? Why? Why do I wait until I am desperate???

Wow, I think that was a tangent and I am not sure how I got to where I ended up from where I started.

Paul talks about wanting the Phillipians to understand what really matters. This caught my attention. Be honest with yourself. What really matters to you? I will admit that I get hung up on what others think of me. I spent most of my school years living my life according to what other would think. I hope I have grown out of that, at least some, since then but I know I still care what other think. Especially when it comes to people from my past. The emphasis was on how you looked, how you dressed, etc. I never fit that mold but I tried. Now I would much rather be an individual then dress like everyone else, but I still care what they think. Why don't I put as much emphasis on what God thinks? How come I can't get that through my mind? What people think if me should NOT matter. What God thinks DOES matter.

I don't know if this is what Paul is talking about in this part of his letter but this is what my mind went to when I read it.

For tonight, I pray that I try to care more about what God thinks and not what men think.

Good night and keep looking up!