I am really starting to enjoy this!

I like to be able to write whatever I want and not really worry about people reading it. As far as I know, no one is reading this right now. Oh, maybe a family member pops in occasionally but no one has lately. I have a Facebook and post some things but not much, really. Facebook is more a way for me to keep in touch with people, including my family but this here is an outlet for my thoughts and feelings.

As I was reading my Bible, I came up with a story line that I think I might try and pursue on here. I come up with tons of stories in my head all the time but I never do anything about them so maybe I will start writing them down here. I don't think I ever shared that with anyone. My sister is the writer in the family and maybe that is why I have kept this to myself. I don't feel very adequate but maybe I will start writing on here and see what people think, if there ever decide to visit.

If you do visit, let me know! I'd love to hear from you.

Fail....

I've neglected my Bible reading the last few days and man, can I tell!!! Going back to Philippians.

there are so many parts and pieces of Philippians that I like. The first thing Paul says in chapter 3 is "May the Lord give you joy." I want that joy and it is within my grasp. However, I often find that I am sad, depressed stressed or frustrated. After a while I realize that it is my own fault for feeling this way because I am not seeking the Lord and HE is true joy and from Him comes true joy. I also LOVE further down in chapter 3, starting at verse 7 it talks about how Paul thought all the stuff he had talked about was important but how he now considers them worthless. And then he talks about the fact that he has thrown everything else away, because it is all garbage and he does it so that he can have Jesus Christ. HE uses that words "so that" at least, that is what my version of the Bible says and it struck me as this...In order to have Christ in my life, I have to make room for him and there for, I have to get rid of the garbage. Now, being a Preacher's Kid (PK) I have heard this all my life, but not necessarily in this way. God wants ALL or NOTHING! IN order for Him to have ALL, we have to get rid of everything else. I struggle with this. I can't say that I give God ALL. Especially when it comes to my time. I am quite selfish with my time, even with my own family. I want time alone, I want to go shopping so I can be alone, I want to go out with MY friends and I don't spend nearly as much time with my family as maybe I should. But then, I do spend A LOT of time with my family in, fact, I spend most of my time with my family or at least doing what I can to take care of them. Laundry, school, cooking, cleaning, etc....I think sometimes my mentality is this, "See all this that I do for you? I think I deserve some time for myself." BIG HUGE FAT LIE!!! IS that what Christ did? Well, I have spent this time with you on earth and I have taught you some good stuff and I have spent a few years with you, so now it is time for me to think about myself. I'm going back to heaven now. See you later." Wow! Can you imagine what this life would be like if Jesus had done that? I find so much comfort in the fact that Jesus loves me and has taken away the punishment of all that selfishness and HE still loves me that if I didn't have that, I can tell you right now, I would at the very least, be depressed, if not so far gone that I felt like taking my own life. So now, I need to figure out how to throw all the stuff that doesn't count, away so that JEsus can fell up my life. I need to stop thinking that I am entitled to everything. I am entitled to nothing but death and despair. Thank you Father for giving me hope!!!

Here we go

I am wanting some Diet Coke today. I have a lot to do and I know some people wont believe me but it really helps to keep me moving. Even if it is Caffeine Free Diet Coke. I am behind on the dishes house work and still have to help the kids get through their Science lesson for the day and do all the workbook pages for the week in Language Arts. We did school on Monday when there was none so we should have most of tomorrow free, except for the Language Arts pages we don't get done today.

I missed a day

I didn't read Philippians yesterday. The kids had AWANA last night and Doug and I went to hang out with some friends and I searched for my Bible to take with me and couldn't find it. I searched after we got home last night and still couldn't find it.

Today will be another day of school and house work. I paid some medical bills already and need to pay on my hubby's student loans. I also need to pay a few more bills. Kalista is still in bed. She used to be my early riser and Danny would stay in bed. They have switched rolls. I need to do my grocery shopping and plan the rest of the meals for this week.

We are working on teaching my son to put the toilet seat down. I guess I have been spoiled. My hubby has ALWAYS put the toilet seat down and it drives me crazy when my son doesn't and so now, whenever we find the toilet seat up, he has to put it up and down 10 times, gently. I actually think it only took about 4 times for him to start remembering to put the seat down. We don't care about the lid, just the seat.

Well, that's all for now. I am sure I will write again later.

Diet Coke is.....

...my drug of choice. I love it and am rather addicted to it. I have tried to stop drinking it in the past. One of the last times I did, I realized that I went through about a 3 day withdrawal. I got very cranky, despondent and depressed. I have recently been working on stopping again but in order to combat the withdrawal, I have drunk coffee in the mornings. Well, this morning, I drank the last of the coffee in the house and the last of the creamer. The last two weeks I have permitted myself Diet Coke, only on the weekends but starting now, I am going to see if I can go without any caffeine except maybe some hot chocolate and see how that goes. There are moments when I crave it and actually, anything carbonated helps settle that craving but there are times when all I want is to chug a can of DC. As much as I TRULY enjoy Diet Coke, I am going to do my best to kick this habit and make it a once in a while, special occasion only, treat.

twice in one day....

I have always noticed that when I take care of my spiritual life, the rest of the areas of my life come in to line as well but I so often try to focus on those other areas and I get burnt out and frustrated. I wish I could be more consistent and remember, that as long as I put my heavenly Father first, nothing else truly matters because He will give me all that I need to do the things that I need to do. The truly important things. Not only give me what I need but abundantly more then I need. How blessed I am to have such a loving Father. I take Him for granted so often. Lord help me to see your love for me every day.

I wish I could skip the online classes that the school seems to require. I know my kids need the interaction with their teachers and peers but our school day does so much smoother when we don't have classes then when we do. The kids seem to enjoy school a little more when we don't do the online classes as well.

I think I am rambling. I am bored and not sure what to do. I should really teach Kalista to do her own laundry. I told her I would last week and I haven't gotten around to it yet.

I made the mistake of telling Kalista that we are planning a trip to Chicago for vacation this year and she just keeps talking about and telling me that she can't think about anything else. I should have kept my mouth shut. She does understand that things could change and it is possible that something might keep us from going, like money, but for now she is excited and dreaming about all the things we might do while we are there. My hubby spent time there as a child going to the zoo and the museums and I have wanted to do that for a while now and I am finally getting my chance. I am hoping for a chance to have a date night with my hubby. Something kind of fancy that will give us the chance to dress up. We don't do it very often and it will mean packing fancy dress clothes but I think it will be worth it.

I guess instead of writing in this blog, I should be trying to pack some stuff up. Yes, we will be moving. We have no idea where or when but we don't want to get caught with only a short time to pack up this house and get moved out. Since we do school home, the kids schooling would get set aside and we can't technically do that. I am trying to figure out where to start though. I have packed up a few boxes of books that I do not read or haven't read in a while.

I have more books out that I read on a more regular basis. Maybe I need to think about packing up the buffet and maybe a few things from the kitchen too. I have a closet full of VHS tapes in the basement too. Not really sure what we should do with those. We have a VCR but it tends to eat the tapes and I hate to ruin them. I really like to watch some of those movies but can't right now. I have a ton of junk I need to get in to the garbage too. Well, those are some places to start, I guess. I would love to cut the kids clothes down to enough outfits for 1 week and a half or so and pack the rest and see if we can get along with just those and then donate the rest. Kalista has clothes that she doesn't wear and so I need to go through those again. I think I have pared Daniel's stuff down as much as I can.

Tomorrow is therapy. An hour of Speech therapy and then 30 minutes of Occupational Therapy. Then we have to rush home, gobble down some lunch so that the kids can be in their online class by 1 PM. I really hate doing it like that but I don't feel like I have a choice. The teacher is very understanding and she knows that I work hard with the kids and she probably wouldn't have a problem if I said that the kids weren't going to be attending any of the classes but I don't think her superiors would let us get away with that. Another reason to pull Daniel out next year.

I still haven't decided for sure if we are going to do that. I really want to but it is one big scary step, let me tell you! To have to try to home school him on my own with no help from a real teacher....and I have to try to find some curriculum for him that wont costs us too much. So much to think about and I just haven't really done much about it yet. I have a big packet of paper work to fill out before I can pull him out too. (Sigh) A lot on my mind. I really just want to curl up in bed with a book.

I guess it is time to do do something, whether it is packing a box or two, or doing some laundry.

Good night world!

Keep looking up!!!

Forget the Past and look towards what lies ahead. Heaven!

" And I want you to know dear friends, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including all the soldiers in the palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ."

This is an incredibly convicting bit of Scripture for me. Does ANYONE know that I live for Christ? And I am talking about people outside my family and close friends. Can people tell by what I post on Facebook that I live for Christ? Do I talk about Him enough? I can say with certainty, that I do not. Just as Paul says that he is "not all I should be" in chapter 3 verse 13, I am not all I should be! I need to do as Paul did and "focus all my energies on one thing : forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead." (still verse 13)

I hear many people I know talk about looking forward to heaven. I can't say that I do that. I think about it, yes. Heaven will be such an incredible place that I can not even imagine it. But do I daily think about it. Do I think about each decision I make relative to heaven and getting there? Again, no I do not. My mother-in-love signs off by telling people to keep looking up, in reference to Jesus coming back soon. My father used to say " Here, there or in the air." In reference to when he might see someone again. Knowing that he may never see that person on this earth again but if he knew that person had accepted God's gift of salvation, he would see him in heaven. And the way he said it was always with the anticipation of heaven. Since I knew my father was dying, I knew that the next place I would see him was heaven. But when I say goodbye to a friend that I know I wont see for a while, do I think about the possibility that it might be in heaven the next time I see that person? No. My mind is most often on the here and now. Where my children are in their school work. What my husband needs. My own selfish wants and desires. I have a very difficult time thinking about my life now in relationship to heaven, now. I mean really, do I think about going to heaven now? I tend to think about it when I get the large medical bills in the mail or when some one else is talking about it but I need to change my mind set to heave, now! Forget the Past and look towards what lies ahead. Heaven.

A little later then usual

It's pretty late today as I read Philippians. I had been reading it in the early afternoons but today it is 11 PM. My mind tends to wander when I read to myself and so quite often, I end up reading out loud. I tend to feel rather foolish doing this but it keeps my mind on track.

It was a good day today and that means I was busy and didn't stop until now to read my Bible. I should have done this earlier but better late then not at all.

The same areas have been jumping out at me but they are closer to the end of the book then to the beginning.

Paul talks about how he feels about the people of Philippi. He loves them and longs for them. Do I ever really LONG for anyone? I mean, really long for someone? I miss my husband when he is at work and quite often I LONG for friendship, because I am lonely but is it really the same? And is it people I should really long for? I believe God puts this loneliness in my heart to draw me closer to him. In the past I have turned to Him as a last resort. How sad is that? He has always been there, no matter when I have come crying to Him that I am lonely and all I need is to start my conversations with Him again and He is there and He gives me the comfort I am looking for. Why? Why? Why do I wait until I am desperate???

Wow, I think that was a tangent and I am not sure how I got to where I ended up from where I started.

Paul talks about wanting the Phillipians to understand what really matters. This caught my attention. Be honest with yourself. What really matters to you? I will admit that I get hung up on what others think of me. I spent most of my school years living my life according to what other would think. I hope I have grown out of that, at least some, since then but I know I still care what other think. Especially when it comes to people from my past. The emphasis was on how you looked, how you dressed, etc. I never fit that mold but I tried. Now I would much rather be an individual then dress like everyone else, but I still care what they think. Why don't I put as much emphasis on what God thinks? How come I can't get that through my mind? What people think if me should NOT matter. What God thinks DOES matter.

I don't know if this is what Paul is talking about in this part of his letter but this is what my mind went to when I read it.

For tonight, I pray that I try to care more about what God thinks and not what men think.

Good night and keep looking up!

For those of you who are interested.

Hey people,

I mentioned a blog on Facebook not long ago. Here it is. Nothing special. Not a ton of pictures. Just me and my thoughts.

I'm back (For now)

I am not sure if anyone even comes here anymore but I recently mentioned on Facebook that I was thinking of leaving it and going back to this blog. I don't think I really will leave Facebook because I like how well it keeps me connected to people but I do think I will try to blog a little more.

I have been struggling spiritually lately and realized it was mostly my own fault for neglecting that are of my life. I was having no conversations with my Heavenly Father and so I dove right back in. It was hit or miss at first and I know I will still fail in getting to my daily Bible reading but I am going to do my best.\

I noticed (on Facebook) that Patsy Clairmont was challenging people to read through Philippians with her and so I decided to do that since I had never really read through that book on my own. WOW! I LOVE PHILIPPIANS! It is giving me just what I need. I love that this is a LIVING book! It isn't just history, (which I enjoy reading too) but it helps me in my day to day struggles.

I have made at least one post on Facebook about something I read in this book but I think I may blog a little more about what I am reading. I am reading through the whole book every day, and every day I come across something else that is wonderful! But I think I will share my thoughts as close to in order as I can.

I love how Paul tells the people of Philippi that he loves them and thanks God for them and prays for them! This right there is an example to me. How many times do I pray for people, (well, I pray for people a lot..) but also thank God for them? How often do I tell someone I love them? In today's society, I can't really come out and tell just anyone that I love them. The other thing I see in verse 4 is that he makes his requests with a heart full of joy. How often do you pray with a heart full of joy? I can't say I do this often. Usually I am in tears because something in my world is falling apart, or I am tired or something else. I can't say that I have thought about it too much when I am praying but I can say that I don't often have a heart full of joy when I am talking with my Heavenly Father.

From today's reading, I am going to try to remember to pray MORE OFTEN, pray for you, give thanks to GOD for you and pray with JOY IN MY HEART!

To quote my mother in love - Keep Looking Up!